Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
