Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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