It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize