Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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