I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
