we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
