i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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