I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
