No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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