I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
