Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
