Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
