Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
