thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
