my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize