I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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