I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
