everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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