hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
