She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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