Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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