Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
