man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
