Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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