Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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