I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
