so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
