Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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