Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
