Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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