I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
