So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
