we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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