just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
