did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize