i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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