wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
