I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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