Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
