textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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