you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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