i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
