i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
