thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
