alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize