Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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