this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize