Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
