I don't think brook has ever known best
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
