Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
