im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am available for nakedness
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize