is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
