He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
