does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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