I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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