I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize