is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
