We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
