i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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