Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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