When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
