My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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