You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you made out with another girl for some wings
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
