How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ok first of all what the fuck
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
