I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
