So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
