i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Congratulations! We have a period
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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