I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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