I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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