Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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