OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
