I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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