i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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