The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
