that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
