worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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